Bye, Bye, Miss Great Britain Pie
by MarilynSuzanne
Summary: After leaving Forks, Kazumi and sisters move to England and put on their Australian and Scottish and Irish accents.
1. Bring Your Chevy

And so it begins. Probably not as good as my Twilight one, but it must be done. And this is an anti-fiction (even though I like HP) for J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series.

Kazumi Glitter Insane Mania Dementia Pathological Bloodthirsty Homicidal Maniac Psycho Love Suicidal Killuall Hiv-virus Light and her two sisters, Midnite Vermilion Emerald Onyx Turquoise Ruby Garnet Topaz Amber Gold Silver Mica Obsidian Sapphire Feldspar Diamond Quartz Marble Light, and Rachel Light! They're triplets and all go to the same school!

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Kazumi entered a white room where the bad fanfic was being created. Draco was playing video games. ||Reader: He would not do this because that's for muggles and he is a purebred Yorkshire Terrier- I mean, pureblood. *puts on pointy hat w/ stars*

Hermione was reading _Hogwarts: A History_ because it updates every year.

Harry was getting ready to kiss the latest Mary Sue.

RON was getting ready to kiss the latest Mary Sue.

Dumbledore was back from the dead, and so was/were ((A/n: I obviously cannot list all of the dead people, but I'll try. Rowling went nuts, I'll tell you. [Yes, I'm referring to her by last name like I do with Meyer.])) the comic relief twins, Cedric Diggory, Voldie, the Death Eaters that died, supporting characters that weren't really important... etc.

"Meyer's thesa- I mean, Rowling's insanity! I'm a vampire but with Rowling's rules! YAY!" Kazumi said.

"Great. I'm still an all-out telepath, but at least now I don't sparkle because goffik people don't sparkle. I'm goffik," Midnight said.

"And Racheru-chan can still use physokinesis ~desu! It's not foreshadowing at all ~desu!" Rachel said.

"Rachel, you haven't been physokinetic in _The Day Good Literature Died_ yet. But okay!"

"Of course, Kazumi knows everything. If unwilling mind control wasn't her power, that'd be it. I'm goffik."

"Midonaito-chan, quiet ~desu."


	2. Mrs Lovett's Pie Shop

I'll get Mary Sue and Dawn in here somehow. But first, Hidden Identities!

Kazumi Glitter Insane Mania Dementia Pathological Bloodthirsty Homicidal Maniac Psycho Love Suicidal Killuall Hiv-virus Light and her two sisters, Midnite Vermilion Emerald Onyx Turquoise Ruby Garnet Topaz Amber Gold Silver Mica Obsidian Sapphire Feldspar Diamond Quartz Marble Light, and Rachel Light! They're triplets and all go to the same school!

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So they all got on the train with supplies and knowledge of where everything was. They rode with Cedric Diggory for some strange reason.

And then Cedric revealed himself to be......Edward Cullen! And Bellatrix LeStrange was singing, "I killed Sirius Black! And put him in a meat pie!"

"LOLWHUT?!"

Bellatrix took off her costume and she was the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Mrs. Lovett!

And Snape took off HIS costume and turned out to be.....Judge Turpin!

"Well, now. I guess you won't have to be worried about him taking points from Griffindor; He'll steal your wife and daughter!"

"Priest, try a little Priest, or maybe some Sir-ius Black!"

"I'm a pervert which is worse than being a death eater!"

"Well, now. You can't escape from me, can you? There's no La Push here."

"That little guy, poor thing, poor thing..."

"Don't go gawking, boy! I'll take ten thousand points from Griffindor!"

Edward stared. "I'm in Hufflepuff."

"Oh." Judge Turpin frowned.

"Down by the sea... I killed Sirius Black..."

Mr. Black punched her in the face. "I'm not dead, you!"

"But... I ATE you."

"You ate my identical twin, you twit!"

"You really ARE stupid," Turpin said and then said two words, "Avada Kedavra."

"NOT AGAIN!" I yelled.

"Shut up, or I'll take ten thousand points from Griffindor."

"I'm not housed yet," I said.

"Oh."

"Anyway, Eddie, we'll have to co-exist, unless I'm put in Slytherin. Then I have to be evil. Midnight will most likely go in Slytherin. And Rachel and I should be in... Ravenclaw, maybe."

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	3. The Hat

Kazumi Glitter Insane Mania Dementia Pathological Bloodthirsty Homicidal Maniac Psycho Love Suicidal Killuall Hiv-virus Light  
Midnite Vermilion Emerald Onyx Turquoise Ruby Garnet Topaz Amber Gold Silver Mica Obsidian Sapphire Feldspar Diamond Quartz Marble Light  
Rachel Light!  
They're triplets and all go to the same school!  
Mary Sue is their little sister, I guess.

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And so they were being sorted.  
"Midnight Light!"

"SLYTHERIN!"  
Kazumi said to Ed, "Told you."  
"Rachel Light!"

"HUFFLEPUFF!"  
"Yay ~desu!" She ran to the yellow table.  
"Edward Cullen!"  
"Really? EVERYONE before me?"

"HUFFLEPUFF!"  
"Marilyn Light!"

"RAVENCLAW!"  
"Dawn Breaking!"

"SLYTHERIN!"  
"Kazumi Light!"  
"Finally."

"Not Hufflepuff, not Hufflepuff, not Hufflepuff..."  
"Why not Hufflepuff?"  
"Edward Cullen's in it and he's evil."  
"Whuh?"  
"Well, it's the same reason Harry Potter didn't want to be in Slytherin!"

"FINE! SLYTHERIN!"  
"Not exactly what I expected, but okay." Kazumi sat next to Midnight. ((A/N: Oh, I have a reason for putting this in third person. HP is put in third person, Twilight in first. I've yet to see a book in second.)) And across from Draco Malfoy. How did she know his name? Midnight sent it to her.

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	4. And Then They Left

Kazumi Glitter Insane Mania Dementia Pathological Bloodthirsty Homicidal Maniac Psycho Love Suicidal Killuall Hiv-virus Light  
Midnite Vermilion Emerald Onyx Turquoise Ruby Garnet Topaz Amber Gold Silver Mica Obsidian Sapphire Feldspar Diamond Quartz Marble Light  
Rachel Light!

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And then they left. Just like that.

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End file.
